Twenty-Two Years

A Birthday Letter to Kenny

Happy Birthday, Kenny!

There’s both joy and sadness in telling you a happy birthday.

The joy is that you exist. Though you are not with us now, you’re never forgotten and July 31st will always be the day your mother gave birth to you. Words cannot describe the joy that overcame us as we held you, named you, and told you how much we love you. Your life mattered then and it matters as much now. Just as your life brought us joy then, your life brings us joy now.

Kenneth James Butts, July 31, 2002 - August 2, 2002

The sadness is that you would leave us way too soon. It’s not your fault nor anyone else’s but your mother and I still grieve you leaving us and always will. For years I carried around a sense of guilt for not being able to help you when you needed me the most, as if I failed you somehow. I know now that there’s nothing that your mother and I could have done differently. But you’re still not with us, so remembering you on your birthday also comes with sadness.

I often wonder what you would be doing now, especially as your mother and I see what your younger sister and brother are doing. When I listen to the song Remember Me by Mark Schultz, I wonder as I hear these words.

Remember me
When the children leave
their Sunday school with smiles
Remember me
When they're old enough to teach
Old enough to preach
Old enough to leave

Wondering about you seems good because in wondering, I do remember you. I also remember the promise that God has made in Jesus Christ, so I know you are resting in Christ and will live again when Christ comes again. That hope is what keeps me from despair.

So twenty-two years… Wow! I know I speak for your mother too when I say that you will always be our son. What a blessing you are. And once again, happy birthday!

With love,

Your father.