Recently a woman who was part of the Newark Church of Christ, whom I serve with as the lead minister/pastor, passed away. Her death was sudden, unexpected, and tragic, especially considering that she still had much life to live. As a minister, I was asked to speak the eulogy at her memorial service. So what do you say to a husband, a mother, two children, a sister, cousins, friends and co-workers, and many fellow Christians who are gathered to remember and honor the life of someone they love?
The following is the manuscript of the eulogy I shared at the memorial service.
Anita and I had at least two things in life that we held in common. First, we both were born in Arkansas. And yes, that matters. Last year, when Anita took a trip to Arkansas with her mother, Frances, she posted a picture on Facebook of an Arkansas field with the comment saying, “That right there’s some good dirt, y’all!”
I’ll confess, I was envious.
But more importantly, Anita and I are brother and sister. Now that might have some of you scratching your heads because I certainly wasn’t mentioned as a sibling in her obituary. But we are siblings, bound together as brother and sister in Christ because I’m a Christian, and so is Anita. So for the rest of you who are Christians, Anita is your sister in Christ too.
Now you might have noticed that I’m using the present tense, even to speak about Anita. That’s not a mistake on my part. It’s intentional because it has everything to do with the Christian faith that Anita lives her life by.
When John, Anita’s husband, asked me to speak at this memorial service, he asked me to share a message about the Christian faith. So I intend to do just that, even as I share a message about the life that Anita lives.
So I want to read a passage from the New Testament writing of Romans chapter 8, but before I do, I want to explain why I’m reading a passage from Romans. The reason is that in Anita’s Bible, at the top of Romans chapter 8, she had a note written to write a book about Romans 8. Although Anita never got the chance to write that book, she is living the claims of Romans 8.
Starting in v. 22, the apostle Paul writes in Romans 8, “We know that the whole creation has been groaning together as it suffers together the pains of labor, and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. For in hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope, for who hopes for what one already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”1
Romans 8 is bookended by two particular claims about the promise of salvation that God is bringing about in Christ. First, there isn’t any condemnation for those in Christ. And secondly, nothing can separate us from the love of God because we are more than conquerors in Christ.
These claims are important to remember as we think about the hope that Paul speaks of in this passage I read just a few moments ago.
Our hope is the assurance in Christ that God will save. Such hope is the promise of what we wait for, the “adoption, the redemption of our bodies.” But it’s a hope that groans because it’s lived in a life that comes with struggles—sufferings.
Those who know Anita’s story know that she had struggles in life, but she never gave up her Christian faith and the hope in Christ that is held onto by faith. That’s important to know because I know that Anita’s passing is difficult. Anita was still in the prime of her life, just having recently completed her Master’s of Library Science and Information degree. So her passing is a tremendous grief.
I need to say something about such grief because Anita’s family—especially her husband John, her children Clayton and Claire, her mother Frances, and her sister Dana—must bear this grief. Nothing that I or anyone else says will make the grief any less. And I’m saying that from my own personal experience of losing a child. People ask me what they can say to someone grieving. Just say, “I’m sorry,” but don’t say anything to try to make the passing of Anita less difficult because it doesn’t work. Don’t say things like, “Well, God just needed another angel.” First of all, Anita’s not an angel. Anita is Anita. And secondly, there’s a family sitting right here who still needs her. Also, y’all need to know that people don’t get over grief. People can learn to live with grief, but that takes time, time as in months and even years. So give John, Clayton and Claire, Frances, Dana, and the rest of the family some grace and be merciful, because the road ahead will still be difficult.
When I speak of learning how to live with grief, I’m also talking about learning how to live by faith with hope in Christ. It’s the same hope that Anita has lived with. It’s a hope rooted in the crucified and resurrected Jesus Christ. You see, Jesus Christ has already come and suffered death himself upon the cross, but God the Father didn’t abandon his Son to death. Rather, God raised Jesus from death, and so his crucifixion and resurrection stand as the promise of salvation.
This promise of salvation isn’t just some ethereal eternal life that’s disembodied from who we are as human beings. Paul describes this hope that we wait for as “the redemption of our bodies.” Over in 1 Corinthians 15, Paul speaks of a bodily resurrection, and the reason he does so is because Jesus was raised in bodily form as well.
Now I don’t know exactly what our resurrected bodies will be like, but I know that the first disciples recognized Jesus as Jesus after his resurrection. So I’m confident in saying that we who put our hope in Christ will not only see Jesus face to face and recognize him as the man named Jesus but on that day when Christ comes again and raises to eternal life his followers, we’ll see Anita again and recognize her as the person we know as Anita.
This is why I speak of Anita in the present. Her passing is not the final scene of her life. She’s resting in the Lord, Jesus Christ, as we speak. And when not if but when Jesus comes again, Anita will rise into this eternal life that she has been living by the power of God’s Spirit.
This is the hope of Christ that Anita has lived her life with. I know that this hope doesn’t make her passing easy. I grieve with all of you. We lost a beautiful woman, and I don’t want to downplay the grief that Anita’s passing brings, not one bit. But I also know that to honor Anita’s life, we need to consider the hope that has kept her going.
Death is a terrible thing that we all must live with, but it’s not the final chapter of life. Resurrection is, and it’s a chapter without end. It’s the hope that Paul says, “we wait for it with patience.” Sometimes that seems impossible, but by the grace of God, we can just as Anita has done.
Earlier today, I took some time just to listen to a rather new song called the Hymn of Heaven, which is written by Phil Wickman. The words of the chorus go…
There will be a day when all will bow before Him
There will be a day when death will be no more
Standing face to face with He who died and rose again
Holy, holy is the Lord
But it’s the words to the third verse that really has my attention…
And on that day, we join the resurrection
And stand beside the heroes of the faith
With one voice, a thousand generations
Sing, "Worthy is the Lamb who was slain”
"Forever He shall reign"
And with hope in Christ, among those heroes of the faith singing the hymn of heaven is Mrs. Anita Delp.
Almighty God, we remember before you today your faithful servant Anita; and we pray that, having opened to Anita the gift of eternal life, you will receive her more and more into your joyful presence, that, with all who have faithfully served you in the past, Anita may share in the eternal victory of Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, on God, forever and ever. Amen.2
Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotations are taken from the New Revised Standard Version, copyright 1989. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Adapted from Episcopal Church, The Book of Common Prayer and Administration of the Sacraments and Other Rites and Ceremonies of the Church, Together with the Psalter or Psalms of David According to the Use of the Episcopal Church, New York :Seabury Press, 1979, 253.
You are a blessing Rex.